It's difficult when you reach the stage when you think that everything is meaningless. When you wake up in the morning wishing the day has finished by now. When you are still young and everything best in your life is to be gained and you totally don't care. When having some friends you feel like being a desert island. When having a loving family, being only afraid not to disappoint them. When being a wonderful person, seeing a monster in the mirror.

I cry a lot.
I feel pain thinking about how stupid and useless I am.
I feel ashamed not being able to share it with anybody. I have my own world - some people have been there for a while. But I don't like inviting guests. I'd rather drawn in my pain then show anybody how weak I am.

It is always hard to start with something new. It is hard to let the first words come out.
This blog is for me. I don't even think in English, but somehow decided to write in this language. Maybe sometimes it's easier to express yourself by the words that meaning you don't fully understand, just like you don't fully understand yourself.

It will be a blog about my pain, my disappointments, my doubts... Probably the most boring thing I have ever written :)